Betrayal

Just yesterday I was telling you all my greatest hopes and dreams,
But today, you are nothing to me anymore,
No longer a friend I can tell all my secrets to,
You're crap to me,
You're dead to me,
I hate you, but I hurt because of the betrayal I feel.

Friendship

Friendship...
Is when you have eachother's backs on anything and everything.
When you can spill your heart out to them and they'll listen.
When you know you can trust them no matter what.
When they can make you smile even when it's the worst part of your life.
Or when they tell you what's up when you're screwing up.
When you can cry on their shoulder for hours and they won't care.
Or when you're sick and they hold your hair while you puke into the toilet bowl.

The Irony Of Life Is That The Moment You Are Born, You Are Destined To Die.

An Interpretation Of My Poem, The Forest

I wrote this poem because The Forest refers to something important to me.
It's an important symbol in my life and dreams lately.

The Forest itself- I'm running through it, trying to save him.
The Fog- I'm not exactly sure.
Talking to me or calling for me- When I try to talk and he won't listen or he won't talk about it or he answer me.
Holding Me Still and Tieing Me Down- Things holding me back, jealousy or pain maybe, or things in between us.
Suffocating Me- Pain.
Love Can't Just Vanish- When you told me that in one day, you didn't think you loved me anymore.
That was Bull.

The Forest

I cry and I cry but this fog never seems to lift.
I don't know where I am.
This forest is unknown to me.
I try to break through the forest into a clearing to find you...
But I can't find your promises.
They're lost,
Somewhere deep in the chambers of my locked heart...
Of your locked heart...
This forest is here,
So our love must be, too.
I just need to find some way to unlock the hidden chambers of your heart now.
But how can I when I may have locked away the key myself.
How can I know if you won't talk to me,
Won't call for me...
I can see the moon...
The stars in the sky,
But the fog is still around me,
It's blocking my vision,
So I call out to you,
But you don't answer me back...
I feel lost...
Alone...
Afraid...
And I can't complete my journey to you if this haze is holding me still
and tieing me down,
Holding my head under the water,
Suffocating me,
I can't breath...
But will you run to save me,
Like all the times before?
Love can't vanish like I hope for the fog...
You can't vanish...

Anathema

My cheeks are stained with dry tears that fell nearly an hour ago.
Yet I still cry.
I can't believe this is happening to me.
Why? I don't know.
I have no clue whatsoever why God chose me to play this harsh part.
To make me stronger?
To help me get over him, because it's been so long?
I do not know why I live the life of an anathema...
I don't even know how to deal with my so-called tragedies...
I hear them say they care,
but they still seem like just whispers in the wind now.

Unnamed...help me name it please

I can't believe that it's almost Christmas time already...
It seems as if my life is just passing by...
The days blur together,
Sometimes I feel like it's the day before,
Like it's yesterday.
It's all this bad luck,
It isn't good for me.
It's been a whole month of bad luck and it feels like it's still coming on strong.
I don't know what to do anymore.
My life is falling apart...
I'm falling apart...
It's all just...falling...

MY FIRST KNITTED HAT!!!

This is my first knitted hat! And...even better...its a slouchy hat!!! :) I used the Knifty Knitters Kit and made it for my friend Shula! :)

The Harold Song

This song is one of my songs now, and one of my new favorite songs...Tells a story...and it tells part of mine...it's Ke$ha's song tho...hope you like it :)

"The Harold Song"

I miss your soft lips, I miss your white sheets

I miss the scratch of your unshaved face on my cheek

And this is so hard 'cuz I didn't see

That you were the love of my life and it kills me

I see your face in strangers on the street

I still say your name when I'm talking in my sleep

And in the limelight, I play it off fine

But I can't handle it when I turn off my night light

But I can't handle it when I turn off my night

They say that true love hurts, well this could almost kill me

Young love murder, that is what this must be

I would give it all to not be sleeping alone

The life is fading from me while you watch my heart bleed

Young love murder, that is what this must be

I would give it all to not be sleeping alone

I remember the time we jumped the fence when

The Stones were playing and we were too broke to get in

You held my hand and they made me crawl

I swear to God it was the best night of my life

Or when you took me across the world

We promised that this would last forever but now I see

It was my past life, a beautiful time

Drunk off of nothing but each other 'til the sunrise

Drunk off of nothing but each other 'til the sunrise

They say that true love hurts, well this could almost kill me

Young love murder, that is what this must be

I would give it all to not be sleeping alone

The life is fading from me while you watch my heart bleed

Young love murder, that is what this must be

I would give it all to not be sleeping alone

It was a past life, a beautiful time

Drunk off of nothing but each other 'til the sunrise

They say that true love hurts, well this could almost kill me

Young love murder, that is what this must be

I would give it all to not be sleeping alone

The life is fading from me while you watch my heart bleed

Young love murder, that is what this must be

I would give it all to not be sleeping alone

Stars

Twinkling
In the distance.
Little Stars that shine bright
So you can see their echo
Through the night.
My love for them,
and the curiosity i have about them,
How they're so beautiful.
It puts a Smile on my face to see the stars.
I always look for the Big Dipper.
How proud it makes me feel to be an Alaskan is...
Undescribable.
Just like their Glow.
I always look up and wonder...
What would it be like to touch the moon?
To be able to gaze at their beauty from a closer distance.
To watch a shooting star pass just above you.
To wish upon a star that you can feel the warmth from.
To have the wish from the stars come true.
Think About It... And next time, Smile at the stars. :)

Proud

Ok...so I'm a Latter-Day Saint...I go to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Some of you may know it as being Mormon. Well in my church, you aren't supposed to drink Caffeine. Well there is DEFINITELY Caffeine in Red Bull! haha Anyways...today my dad let me and my brother split a Red Bull...and it was a BIG Red Bull...It was probably a 12 or 16 oz. Can. I was excited! I LOVE Red Bull! So my brother split it equally into our own cups and we sat down to eat dinner. I took a sip...YUM....but when I took another sip...something felt wrong.......I felt like if my parents looked at me I was going to get in HUGE trouble....well kinda like that...but I also felt like it was...I don't know, wrong maybe....and also like I should NOT be doing it. so I got up...walked over to my brother....and said,"Here." and went and sat back down again. I felt the Spirit sooo strong at that moment...I felt like I did the other day when I used $2 and bought one of those balloons to write my name on and Donate Presents for Kids who needed them or for Kids who didn't get presents on Christmas. I felt sooo good, and my eyes filled up with tears as I looked at my brother drinking it...and I was thankful for the gospel being in my life and for being strong enough to resist the temptation of Caffeine. I am truly PROUD of myself...I feel sooo good STILL... :)

TUTTI!!! :3

A picture i did with watercolor pencils for one of my besties...TUTTI!!! :)
Hope u like it cuz its going IN your locker Monday morning! haha :)

Falling

I feel like I’m trying but no one else does.
I feel like I’m loving but no one needs to be loved.
I feel like I’m falling and there’s no one to catch me.
I feel like I need to scream at him,
“Don’t make someone fall if you’re not going to catch them!
You made ME fall and you did catch me, but you let me go
And threw me off the edge.
Then you caught me again.
Now I'm falling through space.”

(possibly improvising this)

Russian Roulette

Russian Roulette is one of my favorite songs right now. It's by Rihanna, as you can see. I do think it would be stupid to play Russian Roulette. But here are the lyrics. :) <3

"Russian Roulette"

Uh, uh [sound of taking breath]

[Verse 1]
Take a breath,
Take it deep.
'Calm yourself', He says to me
If you play, you play for keeps.
Take the gun and count to three.
Im sweating now,
Moving slow,
No time to think. My turn to go

[Hook]
And you can see my heart beating
You can see it through my chest.
Said I'm terrified but I'm not leaving
I know that I must pass this test
So, just pull the trigger

[Verse 2]
Say a prayer to yourself
He says 'close your eyes, sometimes it helps'
And then I get a scary thought
That he's here - means he's never lost

[Hook]
And you can see my heart beating.
No, You can see it through my chest.
Said I'm terrified but I'm not leaving
Know that I must pass this test.
So, just pull my trigger

[Bridge]
As my life flashes before my eyes
I'm wondering will I ever see another sunrise?
So many won't get the chance to say good-bye
But its too late to think of the value of my life

[Hook]
And you can see my heart beating.
No, You can see it through my chest.
Said I'm terrified but I'm not leaving no
know that I must pass this test.
You can see my heart beating.
Oh, You can see it through my chest.
I'm terrified but I'm not leaving no
know that I must pass this test.

So, just pull the trigger

[sound of taking a breath]
[sound of pulling the trigger. Gun shot]

It Smells Like You

I think you're worth the pain...

It smells like you.
Of how my life used to be.
How you used to hold me in your arms.
It smells like you.
Like when I was in love with you.
I still am.
The only difference is that now
You don't tell me you love me anymore.
I love it when it smells like you.
Then I remember all the amazing times we had.
Together.
Our first kiss.
When you held me in your arms in just the perfect way.
It's all coming back to me now.
I come around the corner into my Grandma's office,
where we all hang out.
And there you are.
Sitting on your stool in all your perfectness.
I catch my breath as you look up at me
and smile,
as I walk in the door.
Smiling back, Always.
I love it when I smell like you.

Speed Bumps

The Speed Bumps on the road

are just obstacles on

my journey to you.

Like Running through a forest

to get to you.

But I'll just slow

down and take it slow for now.

Because that is what I must do.

So I'll be here.

But I'll be your friend for a month.

And maybe then you'll realize,

you need me enough to love me again.

I don't know you anymore

Why does your face look so familiar?

I know your name,

but I don't know who you are anymore.

When you look at me with those eyes,

I still melt.

When I hear your name,

I still laugh and get butterflies.

When you talk to me and you laugh,

I still fall in love, again and again.

But I don't think I know who you are anymore.

December

December is hopefully going to be the latest, best part of my 2010 year.
These songs kind of tell you why.



"Back To December"

I'm so glad you made time to see me.
How's life? Tell me how's your family
I haven't seen them in a while.
You've been good, busier than ever,
We small talk, work and the weather,
Your guard is up and I know why.

'cause the last time you saw me
Is still burned in the back of your mind
You gave me roses and I left them there to die.

So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night",
And I go back to December all the time.
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you.
Wishing that I realized what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right
I go back to December all the time.

These days I haven't been sleeping
Staying up playing back myself leavin'
When your birthday passed and I didn't call.
And I think about summer, all the beautiful times,
I watched you laughing from the passenger side.
Realized that I loved you in the fall

Then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind
You gave me all your love and all I gave you was "Goodbye"

So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night".
And I go back to December all the time.
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
Wishing that I realized what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind
I go back to December all the time.

I miss your tanned skin, your sweet smile, so good to me, so right
And how you held me in your arms that September night
The first time you ever saw me cry

Maybe this is wishful thinking,
Probably mindless dreaming,
If we loved again I swear I'd love you right...

I'd go back in time and change it but I can't.
So if the chain is on your door I understand.

But this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night"
And I go back to December...
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
Wishing that I'd realize what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right.
I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind

I'd go back to December all the time.
All the time

-Taylor Swift

Tricks

She had duped me!
I was fooled,
I had been fooled from the beginning.
I had trusted her,
And she had played me.
With her flirtatious smile
And her ice cold eyes.
I know I should have never told her anything.
But I had,
And she had used it against me.
For what reasons,
I’m still not sure.
But he loves her and not me.
But I love him and she doesn’t.
So why am I the only one that doesn’t get what I want?
Why did he make me fall when he caught me at first, but then let go later on?
Don’t make someone fall for you unless you’re ready to catch them.

I LOVE YOU.........

My heart is beating,

but its fading now.

In the land of my dreams,

I hear it.

When i hear your name it gets faster.

When i think of you.

The one i love.

When you say you love me,

I get butterflies.

When you tell me not to cry,

not to say those things,

tears spill down my cheeks.

But you tell me you're leaving.

I beg for you to stay.

For you to love me and not her.

I know im not her.

But im related to her.

Isn't that enough?

I ask if you ever really loved me,

if you ever meant it

when you said i love you babe,

and held me in your arms.

You say you meant everything.

Every word.

But you couldnt decide now.

Even tho she doesnt want you back,

you still want her.

But i want you more.

'I love you' I say every night as i go to sleep.

'Night' you say back.

But my heartbeat is fading.

I'm fading.

But what ever happened to,

I don't know,

But i'm with you.

You.

Isn't that what matters

And that I love you.

Shula........

I know we've had our good times and our bad times, mostly good :), but I just want to tell you........
That you're beautiful,
You're funny,
You're fun,
You're amazing,
You have a LOT of talent (of which I am VERY jealous) :),
And you're just THE best friend ANYONE could ever dream of.
I tried to find the perfect present for you, but I just couldn't find one.
So HAPPY BIRFDAY, LOVE!!!!!!!!!
I love you tons!!!!! :)
And I hope this shows it! :)
PS...I still am bringing your prezzy tomorrow haha :)
LOVE YA!!! :) <3
MaKayla Allysse Songer :) <3

VOLLEYBALL!!!!!!!!! :)

Okay, so this weekend we went to Delta Junction, Alaska to play 10 different teams. It was Varsity but three freshmen got to go. One being me and the other two being Anna and Cassi. So we got 2nd place!!! It was INSANE!!! i was so happy. And i got to play too!!! :) but anyways, yeah. It was a FUN trip!!! :)

OH MY!!! GAMESSSSSSSS!!!!!!

 So this weekend is volleyball games. How excited I am! I love being in the middle of a game. but even more then that I love hearing the crowd cheering and the girls yelling at us on the bench. "GO MAKAYLA!!! GOOD JOB GIRLS!!!" And I LOVE!!! Love Love Love when we win and were in that millisecond of silence before we all start screaming and jumping up and down and high fiving everyone! Great stuff! :)
I miss my little cousins sooo much tho! :) That would be my shout out to my Aunt Becky and Uncle Jared and Famous Cousins Amelia Louise and Hallie Kingston, along with Hallie-kins' mommy and daddy, Uncle Jake and Aunt Leslie! :) Love You guys!!! :) Hope you're feeling better guys! :)